On the Ledge

So, here I stand on the ledge thinking, “should I step off?”or sound the cowardly retreat. Again. I am a great dreamer. I am a great planner. I am not, however, a great executer. I just don’t take risks. Yes, I know that years ago my family and I sold everything we owned and moved believing God was leading us to another area. He provided and here I stand.



I know that after L. died, I took 15 months off from working to discover me. And God brought me face to face with the love of my life, my precious T. He provided and here I stand.


So, a month into this new phase of living by trust, I wonder. Will He provide as He says He will? I do not doubt that He can, I doubt whether He will. Even after all of the other times in my life that He has came through. I have never doubted Him and in His ability, I usually doubt that He will do it for me. And here is why.


I came into a relationship with Him through grace. An adult sinner, who had no desire to fully know Him. But I took Him at His word and believed. Therefore I am saved. Forever. When I die, I enter His presence. Forever. Not because of anything I have done, but simply because He promised eternal life and forgiveness of sin by believing. I believed.


I often feel that I “made it” because of a spiritual loophole and now He is bound to allow me full access into the holy. All because I believed. It certainly isn’t because of the holy life I live. No, far from it. I have a difficult time living the godly life I am supposed to.


But He promised, and I believed, so here I stand.