Guy's Only Weekend Part C

Off we are heading up the old highway for the adventure of a lifetime.  Or at least, as adventurous as me and my five-year old can be.  And with a few wrong turns here and there, I find myself back on to the interstate.  Oh well, at least it is a known route for me.

Once I get up to the proper speed of sixty-five miles per hour, yes, I am not a speeder, I settle in for the rest of the drive to our destination. My boy and I are engaged in a rousing game of “Who can fake burp the loudest and the longest.”  For the record, he stated it. 

Periodically looking back at him, in the rear view mirror and on occasion a quick turn of the head, to see how he is doing, I notice that he is attempting to drink from his milk container.  It still has the foil on it with just a small hole for the straw.

My remedy for the situation is to retrieve the container from him and place another straw in the hole.  But, alas, no straw is to be found anywhere.  So I tell him to hand me the milk and I will pull off the rest of the foil.

And at 65 MPH, I reach my right hand a backward trying to contort it in position to grab said container.  I do not know how my wife can do that.  She has no problem reaching back and touching him or grabbing her purse from the rear seat.

 It is as if she can dislocate her arm at the elbow and twist it to reach directly behind her and grab with two fingers any item she desires. I believe it is a mom thing and a trade secret kept from the guys.

I place my hand in baton receiving position and can feel with my fingertips only the outer plastic of the container.  To which my son seems that if I can touch it I should be able to grab it, similar to the pee-wee league football coach who barks, “If you can touch the ball, you had better catch the ball.” And he lets go.

The over half full container of 2% white milk from McDonald’s has now spilled all over the floor of the back seat.  And me on the freeway with no pull off in sight! 

I take the nearest exit, which happens to be a rest stop, turn off the motor and grab the two napkins provided to me by McDonald’s and head to the back seat.  The milk has conveniently already soaked into the floorboards and is not only mixing with the other dirt and gunk and spills since the car had been last detailed. Uh never.  Vacuumed, yes, but shampooed, nope.  And the milk is rapidly reaching room temperature.

We chalk it up to a casualty of war and back on the road to our destination.  We go shopping, we play in a park, we go to our friends, have dinner, spend the night, wake up the next day, and in the afternoon jump in the car for our next overnight stop. 

And what is that smell?  Oh yeah, spoiled milk. Ahhh!  Not good.  Not good at all.  I drive to the nearest store and purchase two “Fresh Linen Car Air Fresheners” at a higher price than I would normally pay, but this is an emergency. 

We arrive at my in law’s house for the evening and to spend the night.  Her mom went to the funeral as well, so for the night, three generations of men.  Grandfather, father, and son.

After visiting for a bit, I am ready to bring in our gear for the night and….   There is that smell.  And it is not getting better, just more spoiled.  Back in the house I am on a hunt for Febreze.  Not having any luck, I do happen to find a lavender or some sort of scented dryer sheet.  Grabbing that, I head back in, unprotected, to face the horror.

I find myself wiping the floorboard over and over again with the dryer sheet.  And as it disintegrates in front of me I am left with a putrid smell of rotten milk, linens and lavender.  I have only made matters worse by combining smells.  It is like Tuesday night at the buffet during the early bird special.

The next morning I locate some Lysol and spray away.  The Lysol has seemed to remove at least some of the smell, plus giving a nice Lysol aroma.  Just in time to pick up my wife from the airport.

Remain calm.  Stick to our story and maybe she won’t notice.  And as she opens the car door her nose crinkles.  And I can’t be sure because I was avoiding eye contact but I believe she “teared” up a little bit.  I am assuming that it was because she was glad to see me.