An Amazon Birthday

My wife’s birthday was coming up and, now days, I shop online.  One, because it is easy, and two, living in a little town on the coast, the drive time to a variety of stores (i.e. malls), is one and a half hours.

So, with my Amazon account in hand, I begin the search.  First on my list is a CD, yep CD.  I haven’t gone completely digital yet.  It is by MercyMe and it has a song called “Here for You” and it seems to be only recorded once.  Add to cart.

I went for a Robin Jones Gunn book called “Victims of Grace”.   My wife enjoys her books and has attended a conference where she was the main speaker.  Add to cart. 

Finally, a book that she used to have called “Why We Say It”.  It is about how common expression and phrases came to be in the English language.  She is an English major, so you know.  Add to cart.  And after purchasing, all that is left is the waiting.

Amazon is awesome.  I order from home; get it delivered at home (well, for us, at the Post Office) and all I have to do is point and click.  And then between five and seven business days, I have mail!  In this case, I have box! And I am just days away from wrapping her presents.

One great thing about having a post office box, regardless of the fact that we all have to have one, because there is no street delivery in our town, is when there is the bonus card.

Grabbing my keys, locating my box, turn the key and there it is!  Along with a couple of bills, there is an approximate  4 inch by 10 inch yellow card with numbers written and with each of those numbers scratched off  with ink.  Except for one.  My number.   It means that I have a package.  And now, I get to go to the front desk and retrieve my item.  Yep, I am special.

This is not a just “open box and grab some letters and head home kind of day.  No, my friend, this is much bigger than that.  This card tells me that I have something too big for my Post Office box.  No longer is it just getting the mail.  This has now become sort of like a super spy transaction, where I give the secret code, in this case a yellow card with a number on it, and then the other spy goes into the back room and returns with a box containing what I need for my next assignment.

Taking the cardboard box home, I stealthily head up the stairs before the wife finds out, and with anticipation I cut open the “Amazon tape” and peer into the box for its contents.  One Mercy Me CD, check.  One Robin Jones Gunn book, check.  And one “The Dean Koontz Companion” book, che. . .  What?  No, no, no!  It is supposed to by “What We Say It”.

I have not read any books by Dean Koontz and neither has my wife, so I am pretty sure that we will not be needing his “Companion Book”.   They have sent me the wrong thing.

One other time, I have experienced receiving the wrong item.  While Amazon and their individual distributor’s have a pretty good success rate, the first time I received the wrong order turned out to be quite entertaining. 

After attending a concert and the singer sang that great folk song, “If I had a Hammer”, I decided to order a CD from the performer who wrote that song, Tim Hardin.  So I order the Tim Hardin CD and five days later I receive my package.  I open the envelope and pull out, not Tim Hardin’s Reason to Believe CD.  Instead I am holding in my hands The Barrio Boyzz  “That’s How We Roll” CD.

Yes, Barrio Boyzz, with not just one Z, but two Z’s.  They look like a morphing of ‘NSYNC and gangsta street thugs.  They are considered the first Latin American R & B, pop boy band.  Well, there you go.

While I have nothing against the Barrio Boyzz, and they certainly may choose to roll however they want to roll, I would have preferred Tim Hardin.  So, I hesitantly write an E-mail to the distributor.

“Dear Sir or Madam,  I ordered Tim Hardin’s “Reason to Believe”  CD with the order number # ……. and I did not receive it.  Instead I received The Barrio Boyzz “That’s How We Roll”.  I do not want the Barrio Boyzz “That’s How We Roll”.  How may I receive the CD that I ordered?”

It wasn’t too long before I got an apologetic reply.  They would be sending, right away, the  CD that I had ordered and upon receipt, I could return the other CD, on their dime. Sigh of relief on my end.

And sure enough, only two days later, my replacement CD arrived.  Opening the envelope and inserting two fingers and my thumb, I pull out. . .yep. . . The Barrio Boyzz  “That’s How We Roll”.  You have got to be kidding me.   Back to square one.

I called this time and spoke to a human who figured out that the wrong code has been attached.  Which means, that no matter how many times I order Tim Hardin, I will receive The Barrio Boyzz.  They assure me that they will find the CD that I want and send it to me.  In the meantime, I may do whatever I wish with the wrong CD’s.

While I have no need for two Barrio Boyzz CD’s, I decided to send one back and keep one for, well, because you just never know.  And eventually I did receive the correct CD and I listened to Tim Hardin once or twice. It was okay, but it was not as great as I had hoped.  The Barrio Boyzz is still sealed in its original packaging, even to this day.

 And now back to the wife’s birthday.  She opened up her presents.  First, MercyMe.  “Thank you.”  Second, Robin Jones Gunn.  “Thank you again.”  And finally, The Dean Koontz Companion.    As the stunned look of “What the heck?”   came over her face, I simply replied, “This is your own personal version of The Barrio Boyzz.  Koontz, with a Z.  “Cuz, that’s how I roll.”  Word.