A Curious Turn of Events

We are one month in on a six month lease of our new house. The owners have had it for sale for some time and decided they wanted someone to rent it.  One of the things that we determined to do was go to our house in the valley and pick up a bit of furniture to fill our new home.  We grabbed our full length couch (great napping couch and great couch for conversation), our other full size bed for the guest room, our toaster oven, lamps and pictures.

We had an opportunity from a friend to take his little open trailer to bring some more stuff back, but it seemed like we should just stick with what we could fit in the borrowed pick-up.  It was a successful trip and we got to spend some time with old friends and worship at the church we were a part of.

Then, back to the coast, back to our church that we minister in, and back to our new home. And back to the news that it looks like our new house that we have just moved to and just brought the furniture to fill, is going to be sold.  A curious turn of events.

So, in six, I mean five, months from now, we will be living, or hopefully living in our fourth home since accepting the call to pastor this coastal church. For a guy who likes periodic change to his world, this is even getting a bit much.

While I am extremely grateful that we get to live here, even for a short amount of time, and with the extra space and the view, I can’t help but wonder what is in store for us in the future.  We were first called here for an eight month interim as pastor.  When the church called us full time, we found the cottage and signed a year lease so we knew we would be here for year.  Then the second year lease at the cottage, so one more year here.

This time was a six month lease, so it stands to reason six more months her. But now, what about later?   I am by no means trying to read anything into this as I have learned that God will do what God will do, but it does have my interest peaked and the observational portion of my brain is, at this present time, heightened.

I am not an adventurous person, but I do always seem to have one foot over the edge of newness, excitement, and the ever churning waters of change, but the other foot has found its setting in the stable, the sure, and the secure solid foundation of land.  I am not so much double minded as I am double footed.

My wife has a picture of a painting that has sort of become a description of who I am, or at least, who I think I am.  It is called The Drifter.  It is a 50’s style man in a hat, vest, sleeves rolled up, carrying a small rectangular suitcase down the beach.  And it appears that he is headed out from somewhere walking toward somewhere else.

I am reminded, over and over again, that we are where we are at, because we are where we are at.  It is not a profound statement, but for me, it is true.  No matter how much we enjoy, no matter how great our location, no matter how much beauty surrounds us, and no matter how content or comfortable we are, for the believer, this is not and has never been our home. 

We are just drifting (with purpose mind you) through this corruptible to one day achieve the incorruptible. We have been on a journey.  And one day, one glorious day, we will be finally home. 

So for the next six, I mean five, months the only thing we can do is treat the place as a lovely vacation rental home and enjoy every minute of it.  It will be a time of resting, relaxing, refreshing, and getting ready for the next leg of the journey.

Ever drifting,

Me

Creature of Change

So apparently, I am a person of change.  I didn’t think I was, because I like routine and I like things in the proper place.  But, I do like change.  Especially when I am the one making change.

But, here is an observation about me.  It seems that every two years, there must be a change of significance in my life.  In my mind, it just happens.  It’s not like I am looking at the old calendar and am thinking, “Two years is about up.  Time to shake things up.”  Whether it is a restlessness on my part or circumstance or God keeping me unsettled, I do not know.  Nonetheless, change happens.

I am not sure when it started, but I can track the last fourteen years.  Our small church move to a different building to reduce costs.  Two years later we stopped having church services and I became an assistant manager at an off price retail store.  Two years later, my wife suddenly passed away and I was alone. 

Two years later, I married my most precious and lovely T.  Two years later, my son I. is born premature and I change jobs to a different company to manage.  Two years later, I quit my job and become a stay at home dad and husband.  Two years later, our family moves to the coast and I am a full time pastor at a local church by the Pacific Ocean. 

Which brings us to 2014.  Two years and I guess it is time for a change.  It turns out that we had an opportunity, at least for the next six months, to live in a different home. We had lived about two years at a little cottage.  It was tiny, it was old, it wasn’t well insulated. 

The sun room had plastic roofing which let the sun in and made it quite warm and charming.  But man, when it rained, it was so loud that you couldn’t have a conversation without yelling. And in order to watch TV, my wife and I plugged in headphones and had the close captioning on so we could hear.

For all of the loveliness, there were some issues.  Rodents in the walls, a continual stream of ants, the cramped space confinements.  The biggest issue was not having the ability to have people over.  You could come over to eat, you could come over to sleep, but it was difficult to sit and relax and have conversation as the living room only accommodated a love seat, one cushioned chair, and one rattan chair, which blocked the bookshelf.

But today, as I write we are so grateful, so blessed, that we have been provided by the Provider a home that has doubled, if not more, our living space.  It has a huge front room.  Last night we had a home Bible group there and fourteen people attended.  And we still had room for more. 

It has a dining room, and we have added a leaf to our dinner table.  The kitchen is wide and long enough to have three or four in there comfortably.  There is a den area where we have the television, T.’s digital piano, folding chairs (‘cause we don’t have the furniture to fill it), and my printer set up.

Two bedrooms, one for the boy and a master for us.  And get this, two bathrooms.  One for the boy and for guests, and a double sink, separate tub and shower in the master bedroom.  We have a two car garage, which at the present holds our Honda CRV on one section, and I.’s construction toys in the other.  He’s been playing Gold Rush.

There is a large (15 ½ by 15 ½) bonus room behind the garage.  We are trying to set it up for a guest room for family, friends, and visitors to enjoy.  There is a dedicated laundry room. There is no yard to speak of.  The house has a concrete driveway that, kind of circles the house.  We had parking for nine vehicles and on the side of the house there is room for an RV with electrical hook-ups.

There is a fenced part in the back where one can go and play and for future BBQ’s. It is also cemented.  There are enough windows to let in the natural light and it keeps the inside temperature reasonably consistent.

We are only a block from the ocean and as you look between the row of houses in front of us, there is a partial view of the ocean, of the bay and of the mountain.  I have for the past four days enjoyed my coffee and did my writing peering out the window and watching the waves come in and out.

This two year change was a good one for us.  It gave us the much desirable room that we needed. and the rent is a little bit cheaper. And it gave us a peaceful view and it feels good.  The house is for sale and that is why we only have a six month lease.  But for the next one hundred and eighty days, we will enjoy this great gift.

 

And I will hang around to see what change awaits me in two years.

FINE!!!

I was one of the managers of an off-price retail store and we were located across the street from the Union Gospel Mission in Salem.  Next to the mission was a park where many of the homeless would spend their time.

Our building had an overhang, so periodically we would get a person sitting under that overhang who was trying to get out of the rain or wind.  Every now and then, not always, but every now and then, I felt the need to somehow help them out.  I would bring them some water or at times go and buy a hamburger for them and bring it back.

There was one guy who started hanging around a lot.  He would sit by one of the pillars beside our front door and ask customers for money as they came in.  It got so bad that I was instructed by the other managers to tell him to leave.

I told him, “Look, as long as you sit here to get out of the rain, fine. I don’t care. But when you start asking for money from the customers I have to ask you leave because the managers and the customers are complaining. And I don’t want to have to ask you to leave.”

For the most part, he would be good in that sense, but on occasion he would ask someone and I would have to talk to him.  And on occasion, I would get him some stuff that he needed.  Like a tarp for the weather, juice, crackers, some water, and the like.

Now before you go and say, “Tony Brown, what a guy you are” listen up.  I am using this illustration to point out how God leads us in His specific will.

It was a cold, windy, rainy day in March.  It was my lunch hour and I had determined that I would head over to Starbuck’s and get me a vanilla latte and do me some reading.

And as I started walking I see my good old homeless buddy sitting down at the end of the building.  He wasn’t alone, he had friend with him.

It was quite obvious that they were both pretty soaked and trying to stay warm.  I say my ‘hello’s” to them and off I went.  And now for the God conversation. It was in my head, it was in my heart.  It was as loud as inaudible could be.  I know it was Him. And it went something like this.

“So, Tony, where are you going?”

“I’m going to Starbuck’s to get a latte.”
“Boy, a hot drink like that will be pretty good especially on a day like today won’t it?”
“It sure will.”
“What about those guys?” I knew who He was talking about.

“Yea I know, I’ll stop by the store and get them some water.”

“You know they looked pretty cold didn’t they?” I knew what He was implying.
“Well, look, I don’t know if they even like coffee.  And besides, I wouldn’t know how they like it; you know cream, sugar, black.”
“Is there any other hot drink you could give them?”

“Fine. I suppose I could get them some hot chocolate. You know there is two of them, don’t you Lord?”

“Then it’s settled, hot chocolate for two.”
“FINE.”

 

So, off I went to get two hot chocolates for a couple of homeless people of whom I sort of know one of the them.  The other one, this was the first time that I had ever seen him.  Now I am buying for two.

But now at least I can go about my lunch hour in peace and when I am done I can bring them their hot chocolate.  And that will be that.  Oh, no.  If you thought that was the end of it, then my friend, you don’t know God very well.

“So, Tony, what were you going to do at Starbuck’s after you got yourself a nice hot latte?”  As if He didn’t know.

“Well, I thought I would read a bit.  You know God, I brought a book that’s all about you.”
“It’s pretty nice to have something to read during your lunch hour to pass the time away, isn’t it?”
“Yeeeessss?”  I knew there was going to be a point to that question.

 

“What do you think that they do with all of the time that they have?”

“I hadn’t really thought about it.”
“Maybe, you could get them something to read”
“FINE”  “But I don’t know what to get them.  I don’t know their reading genre.”
“Tony?”
“FINE, FINE”

So, off I went to the Book Bin, a new and used bookstore, to get some reading material for two.  And I knew what I was supposed to get them. There I am at the Christian section of the store looking at Bibles. You do realize that they are not cheap. Even if they are used. And, I am shopping for two.

There I am looking for the cheapest Bibles I can find to give to these guys.  And I have to find two just alike, you know to be fair.  Can I find a cheap one?  Nooo!

“Man, the only two alike are these and they are ten dollars each!”

“And your point is, Tony?”
“FINE”

I buy the two alike used Bibles for ten dollars each, and I proceed to Starbuck’s where I purchase for myself a 16 ounce non-fat Vanilla latte and two twelve ounce, FINE, make that two 16 ounce hot chocolates for my two friends.  And oh, look at the time, my lunch hour is over.

 

Twenty-six dollars later, I am walking in the rainstorm chugging down my latte heading back to work.  My reluctance and my hesitance has now subsided because I knew that I was following God’s direction and I was doing it, one, because He wanted me to, and two, I was doing it because God loved those two guys just as much as He loves me.

And as I approach them, my heart was right.  I told them this. “Here is some hot chocolate to warm your insides.  And here are two Bibles for you so you can know the God that I serve.” 

“I don’t have a lot of money and I can’t do this all of the time, but I want you to know that I serve the God of the universe and He wants you to know that He loves you very much and desires you to have a relationship with Him.  The Bible will tell you all about Him.”

“I am not going to be here next week because I am going on vacation, but when I get back, I will check up on you.”  You should have seen their response.  It was as if I had given them the world. 

 

 And the next week, they were gone and I never saw them again.  But, God’s specific will for me was in the form of two cold homeless guys in need of a hot drink and a book about the Living water.

Sim Card Board

Modern technology has brought about an interesting set of contrasting circumstances.  And I will try to explain my angst.  I am not attempting to justify or judge or even make any sort of recommendations or even a theological point here, I am just reporting an observation.

On several occasions, a twist to my social interaction, from afar, has occurred.  It was as if two extremes, one from the left and one from the right came rushing together and merged as seamlessly as possible.

Where we live at the coast, we get our fair share of homeless people.  Most of them are vagabond travelers “just a passin’ through” heading to their next often unknown destination.  You do what you can for who you can, but the reality is, there is a limitation on our compassion and our grace.

I am not trying to excuse our behavior and I am not trying to throw any guilt around, Lord knows we have enough of that anyway, I am just stating the truth.

Now, just twenty five miles north, a larger smaller town resides.  And because it is larger, and it has a major highway heading east out of it, there are more services for the homeless and the “down and out” so you see a lot more of them on street corners with signs.

The signs are their communication with the world stating their plight, their unfortunate situations, and their felt need of money.  You have them where you live as well.  And, it seems like the same people are on the same corner with the same sign day after day after day.  You may not travel that route for awhile, but look at that, three months later and the same guy is still there.

Now, let’s talk about me.  I have a cell phone.  I know that is not news as it seems like everybody these days have cell phones.  I have even seen eight year olds with them and my own son, whose six, has been pretending that he has a phone for at least three years.  I remember my toy phone as a kid.  It was brightly colored with a smiling face, wheels and a pig tail piece of cord so I could drag it anywhere.

But now I am a grown up and I have a cell phone.  And as far as cell phones go, it is a dinosaur.  It has no connection to the internet and it is a flip phone.  It has not been upgraded for a long time now.

 But it works for me and since we don’t have good reception where we are and we are “grandfathered” in with our plan, there just doesn’t seem to be need for me to change it up.  Maybe someday.

The following event has not happened to me twice.  The people are different but the story is the same one.  I was in a grocery store coffee shop doing some reading, writing, and sipping on my old reliable “a grande, non-fat vanilla latte”  when a homeless guy walks in and sits down at a table.

There is a bus stop right outside, so they come in out of the rain to wait.  And without pre-judging, it is kind of obvious from just casual observation that he’s homeless.  Dirty clothes, matted hair, a well worn back pack, a bit of body odor, and a cardboard sign.

As I sit there, writing in my spiral notebook, reading my paperback, sipping on my coffee, my Samsung flip phone sitting on the table, I think to myself that I am truly grateful to God that I am not homeless.  At least not yet.  I am not lording it over him or believing that I am so much better than him, no, it was more of a realization of the undeserved mercy and provision that God has given me.

And because of that, I was contemplating.  Maybe I should get this guy a cup of coffee or a muffin or something.  Then a phone ringer goes off. And the homeless guy pulls out his smart phone and answers it. 

I mean this guy has a better, more expensive, and fully loaded bells and whistles.  I don’t know what kind of plan he is on whether it is monthly or a pay as you go, but the reality is that he is more technologically connected to the 21^st century than I am. 

On the different occasion, with a different guy, same scenario.  He pulls out his smart phone, makes a call, connects his ear buds and listens to Pandora or his downloaded  “road trip mix” and begins to read the most current novel ranked number one on the best sellers list.

I think that it is great that everyone has a cell phone.  We all know how important the can be especially in an emergency or a crisis.  Years ago, as I was watching the news about the Columbine school murders, there was an interview on how several students used their cell phones to call their parents, to call the police,  and to call for help. 

I knew then, that phones, no matter how annoying they can be, no matter how many times poor etiquette seems to go hand in hand with them, they are a good thing. So, have a phone, I am good with that.  Even if you are homeless.

I just don’t get the smart phone in one hand and the cardboard sign in another.   When did that become the norm?  Over and over again, people come and ask for money for us to put them up in a motel, or to buy them a meal, and in their pocket is a piece of machinery that has not only revolutionized the world, it has rendered useless the  need for owning other separate gadgets.  Don’t need a laptop.  Don’t need a camera.  Don’t need a stereo.  Don’t need a day planner.  Don’t need maps.  Don’t need a newspaper.  Don’t need a video game.

And yet, even with that powerful piece of technology, there still seems to be a need for some to have a cardboard sign. 

How Tall Are You?

It’s hard to be holy.  I don’t know how they did it back then in the good old days.  They had so much focus; they had so much drive.

They relished in their new life, they put their hand to the plow and they never looked back.  They just lived in victory after victory after victory.

But me, I can’t hold a candle to those guys.  I have a candle, but the flame seems to flicker as the breeze blows back and forth, and once in a while, I’m not going to lie, my candle blows out. But I do have a hidden lighter to reignite the wick. For appearances sake.

Their armor must have been made of the finest material and any advances from the devil, from the recesses of their hearts, and from the flashing lights of the world’s pleasures just bounced right off of that breastplate.  Their helmets were securely on and that sword was sharp and swift.

It’s hard to be holy. I want to be like them, I really do.  But I can’t seem to figure out the formula, to follow protocol; and I have yet to unlock the secret code of how they we able to live and lead that holy life. 

I mean, just read through the New Testament and all you see it the church, you know the called out ones, the body of Christ, those reborn believers living in a manner worth of the calling.  Wait a minute.

The New Testament is full of admonitions, urgings, exhortations, some condemnations, and even a few warnings regarding the way that they were living. Why, they weren’t consistenly doing so well, now were they? 

I guess it is not as easy as I had thought, now is it? It seems that these once hard to climb up their pedestal saints of old weren’t so high up there after all.  It appears that they didn’t even have lifts in their shoes, or sandals I suppose.

And all of a sudden, I am not feeling so bad.  And it isn’t like I am lowering the standard of holiness, I realize that I may have been beating myself up more than I really need to as I made this worn path leading to righteousness.  It is hard to be holy after all.

I have tried very hard at times, and then not so hard at other times, attempting to keep above the fray and come to find out that we are the fray.  It is not an excuse; it is just the way it seems to be.

So grateful we have the Holy One who keeps building in us His holiness.  Turns out, we are not supposed to be “our” holy; we are to be “His” holy.  Let’s just live like we know we should.

Over and Out

I haven’t blogged for a bit, and I haven’t done much in the realm of social media either, as I guess I was licking my wounds.  I probably didn’t need to be licking them and I probably shouldn’t have felt wounded at all, but it did.

I got disappointed.  Big deal, everybody gets disappointed.  You are right, and I know this.  I so do not want to be the type that puts on the perpetual pity party, but this one kind of stung.

Disappointment usually comes in two forms.  Either we disappoint somebody, or somebody disappoints us.  Sometimes it is the actions that disappoint and sometimes it is words.  Or promises.  Now we all have our reasons for acting, saying, or doing something that causes disappointment.  Circumstances, situations, life just gets in the way sometimes and we are unable to keep our word or our obligations.

I know that I should not have felt so hurt by this because I certainly have been a disappointment, even a huge disappointment, in the eyes of others.  And when that happens, I want them to forgive me or just “get over it” as it really doesn’t matter in light of eternity.  And usually it doesn’t matter in light of the next year or two. 

And I find that my disappointment in others stem from my own pride.  They made a promise and I feel like they have violated my trust, my rights, my schedule and now, instead of yelling at them, instead of confronting them, because that is not the Christian thing to do, I will just internalize it, feel bad about my violation, and wallow here a bit in my hurt.  Guess what, that is not the Christian thing to do.

People will disappoint us, people will say things that cause hurt to us, people will not keep their promises, people will lie to us.  That is always going to happen.  Because nobody is perfect, and yes, that includes you and me.  And it isn’t like other people do not get disappointed as well.  We are all one big populous of disappointers and disappointments.

We even feel that God has disappointed us.  Things didn’t turn out the way we expected.  After all, we did our part, but He seemed to drop the ball on our end.  I believed, I prayed (with confidence), I acted and behaved as I should and this is the thanks I get?  Nothing.  He knew how much I wanted this to be or happen.
And I always find, as it relates to my faith, that the disappointment is not in God, His ways or even His promises; it inevitably comes and sits on my own shoulders and I must carry the burden.  Because I had expected God to act a certain way, my way, and because of that He failed me.

The reality is that God never disappointed me at all.  I placed things upon Him that were not part of His “big picture”.  And my friends, He has a pretty “big picture”.  When it seems like He has disappointed you, take courage in knowing that He has not.  It is we, who have attempted to make God work for us, instead of us working for Him.  After all it is we, who believe, who are called “bond-servants”.

And now back to my disappointment.  I am over it. It wasn’t mine in the first place.  And here I go again.  Pressing on.

Over and Out