Finally

So, I have had a lot of friends tell me that my posts and blogs regarding our ministry and the future of it as the “interim” time is concluding, are quite cryptic.  And that I am placing the carrot in front of them controlling the anticipation with my every tug of the carrot string.  Kidding, sort of.

The truth is, and they know it, my writing is the result of the conversations and struggle that is going on inside of our minds, hearts, and soul.  The inconclusiveness of the decision is because we had not come to a resolution.  So, I apologize for any mystery.

The dilemma that we have encountered is in the tug of our hearts while at both locations.  When we are home, there is the desire to stay rooted and enjoy friends and ministry.  When we are at the coast, there is the desire toward the new possibilities and the enjoyment of new friends and ministry. 

There is also the pull between making what we have come to call the “easy” choice and the “safe” choice.

So, as we whittle down the pros and cons of each option, more questions seem to arise.  And I will spare you many of the details, and the intimately personal ones, but converse with you the following.

Questions we ask.

Do we make the easy choice or do we make the safe choice?

Do we want to stay here?
Do we want to move to the coast?
What will we be giving up?
What will we be gaining?
Will it be a positive experience?
Will it be a negative experience?
Will we find a house that is suitable?
Can we rent or sell our house?
What about T.’s job?
What about I.’s education?
What about this?
What about that?
Do you want us to go, God?
Do you want us to stay, God?

And on and on and on.

We been asking questions, but the hints or clues or fleeces or answers were always ambiguous, or so it seemed.

The book of James says that “You do not have, because you do not ask.”  That is certainly not the case for us.  We have asked.  And asked and asked.  And asked.

 James follows with “You ask but do not receive, because you ask amiss.”  Now I recognize that “asking amiss” here really means asking with or for the wrong motives.  And I don’t believe we have ever done that.  But the word “amiss” got me to thinking.

Perhaps we have not had an obvious answer, not because we haven’t asked, not because we asked with the wrong motives, but because we have been asking the wrong question.  And there it is.

The proper question we should be asking God seemed to be, “Which choice requires the most faith in You ?”  If we are to walk by faith, then what is the one that will necessitate the most trust and dependency upon Him?

And then the answer became, I believe, most apparent.  My blog “Sometime the Grass is Greener”, was an attempt to take a risk and live out in faith.  And with that, there came conclusion.  Are we staying? Are we leaving?

And now without further ado (yes that is the correct spelling), our decision is. . . . . .

We are __ __ __ __ __ __ __!

  (enter your own encryption here).  Okay, just a bit further ado. 

Rolling On

Just when you think everything is just progressing along, you get this twinge of memory that takes you back.  This memory of mine is both pleasantly reminiscent, yet with a dollop of stinging pain.  Either way, it caused me to ponder in places I generally don’t ponder.

Today would have been my Dad’s birthday.  He’s been gone now for twenty-seven years, but the date still sticks.  He was relatively young when he died.  As a matter of fact, I am just about the age he was, and just about the age of his father when he passed away.  So, you can see the cause for my introspection.

My dad was a decent guy, as dads go, I suppose.  I certainly see some of his personality and traits in myself, both for the good and for the bad.  He didn’t become a Christian until two weeks before he died.  I am thankful that God has no probationary period for believers. 

I sometimes wonder what he would have, could have, and should have taught me if he would have lived longer.  I don’t fret about it too much, but I still think about the things I may have missed out on by not having him around as I aged through life.  I am not much for the “what ifs”, since we always tend to think about the great and noble possibilities. But the fact of the matter is, there could have been some awkward and even ugly times.  So I must live in reflective contentment and just point out that, I remember.

And I also pause to remember that the previous year before he died, about the same time, is when I finally yielded my heart and mind to my Savior and entered into a forever relationship with Him, forgiven and free.  I would like to say that I have been completely obedient and faithful to Him all of these years, but come on, who can?  But I know that Jesus has been completely faithful to me.  He has seen me through many things and I am grateful.

Which comes to my second point of memories, good and somewhat bittersweet.  As of this time May 2012, I have officially been a Christian longer than not in my life.  Not sure what others will think about that, or even care, but for me, this is a big milestone.  It was a hope of mine that I would walk this earth longer as a servant to the One who created it, than as an unaware and uncaring person who was lost and dead in sin.

Like I had said, it isn’t like I have been perfect all these years on the other side of grace, but I have been His.  And that is fine by me.  Because it is grace that makes me stand, it is grace that gives me speech; it is grace that lights my walk, and it is grace that picks me up when I fall.

And for these past two years of attempting to “take a risk and live out in faith”, I have noticed the grass.  Sometimes it is greener.  And it has been wonderful.  I wish that I could stand here and say to you that in my entire Christian walk, I have given my all and been filled with so much of His passion, but I cannot.  But this one thing I do, “forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

My dad died a long time ago, but my Father God lives forever.  Praise be!

Jabbok

To keep you all up to date on the very fluid nomadic life that we have been living, the resolve is coming soon.  As I had said in previous blogs, I have been interim pastor for a small church on the coast.  We commute over on Thursdays and come back home on Sunday evening so T. can go to work at the university.  We have lived with the four days here and three days there since October.  Our official interim contract ends on July 1.

 And as I previously noted, their need for a full time pastor didn’t include me as an option.  But, as it turns out, I believe they would want me to stay.  As one mentioned, “If we need a full time pastor, and I think we do, it might as well be you.”  And for that I am honored.  And we sat, and talked about possibilities and decisions and numbers.  So much so, that my assumption is that they will discuss and come up with a figure to offer.

Which brings us to decision-making time.  Is that a clue for us to continue pastoring at the coast, or do we end the interim and stay where our roots are?  And once again T. and I find ourselves “wrestling with God” like Jacob at the river Jabbok.  We obviously want to do that which God wants us to, but the choices seem not to be choices of right or wrong, good or bad, wise or foolish.  I wish it were such the case.

But the decision seems to be a decision between two good things, and both with equal blessings and opportunities.  As my wife so profoundly put it, “the choices are between the easy choice and the safe choice.”  So on we wrestle.  Moment by moment.  Day by day.

 The “easy” choice would be to come back and settled again into our home, our home church, and our home town.  Here, we have a house, friends, contacts, T.’s job, and the familiar.  We have been here for quite a while and longevity brings about a support web of comfort and trust.

The “safe” choice would be to accept a full time position and serve the church as pastor and continue on seeing all of the growth, opportunities, and somewhat security of an income that would completely cover our budget.  For we have been living off of savings and T.’s part time income, due to our stepping out in faith and trusting God’s provision.  And this opportunity at the coast could very well be a way of such provision.

So we recognize that at some point we will need to supplement our income as the savings is running out.  We also recognize the importance of T. being at the University and her collection of supporting friends and women of counsel.  And we recognize the draw of the coast.  And we recognize the great ministry success that we have been having there, with baptisms, changed lives, and growth in maturity.

 
So we, like Jacob, wrestle through the night, not wanting to let go until we hear, until we are blessed by the One whose name is Wonderful.  So, we wrestle on, between the “easy” and the “safe”.  We wrestle and wait. 

We wait for our hip to be dislocated.